I feel like I am on autopilot as I type this. I had a brain MRI on Monday and found out last night that all 4 tumors on my brain are growing. This was not shocking to me because I had recently started experiencing symptoms again. As much as I wanted to ignore what was going on, I couldn't. My oncologist called and wanted me to start Decadron immediately to reduce the swelling around the tumors. I meet with the brain radiation specialist on Monday to find out the plan of attack. It seems that Cyberknife is an option but I don't know all of the details yet.
The irony is that I was diagnosed with the brain tumors last year on March 13, 2009 - almost 1 year to the date of this news. How am I doing with this?? I'm angry, sad, frustrated, and even numb sometimes. We received this news less than 24 hours ago. How many more times can our world be turned upside down? I am continuing chemo and had this week off so my body could recover from my last 2 treatments. I was feeling really good this week and even enjoyed volunteering at Dawson's school and going on a field trip with him today. David had a big project for school that we have been working on together and I spent a lot more time with him, not distracted by Dawson or other life stuff. Sometimes Dave has to help him with the projects. Dave's birthday is this weekend and we are looking forward to a night out before the steroids take effect. We call these our "last suppers." That's when we know I am starting some kind of new treatment or nasty drug and it is our calm before the storm. We make it a rule to NOT talk about cancer and just enjoy a "normal" night.
My frustrations include having to take Decadron again. I was fighting this one but my oncologist said it is the most effective drug for the swelling. Explain to me how this drug reduces swelling inside of your body but makes your face and areas of your body blow up like a balloon. My face and body were finally rid of the swelling. I just pulled out my "skinny" clothes bin last week! I can also become quite irritable on this drug and have difficulty controlling my anger. It is little things that set me off and my family is usually the ones who feel it. I just don't like who I am when I take it. My oncologist said he will take me off as soon as he can.
We will update you when we know more. My prayer request is that I tolerate this drug well and that the next step is tolerable and minimally invasive to my families' lives.
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8 comments:
Oh Barb! I am so sorry! I feel like I'm repetitive every time I write on here, but it is so true. Please continue to keep us updated. We love you so much. Our prayers are with you and we hold you closely in our hearts.
Barbara, I know you enjoyed yesterday and I hate that your evening ended with this news. Praying that God will sustain you and your family during this time.
Michelle
Dear Barbara:
My heart is heavy for you. I so much want you to receive good news for a change.
I hope you and Dave have a good dinner this weekend.
My prayers for you continue.
Pat Reed
Barbara my heart aches with this news, I'm so sorry you have another battle in this war. Prayer that never ceases for you and your family. Love Ruby
Oh Barbara, I'm so sorry you've received this news. I'm praying for you physically and emotionally ~ may the Holy Spirit encourage you through it all. How can I be of help to you guys this week? Would you like me to help with Dawson again at all?
Dear Barb, I imagine you are pretty tired of trying to roll with the punches. My heart hurts for you and your family. I'll be praying that the medicine does it's job and leaves the side effects out!! Also, that you will feel our Father's arms around you. xo
You are in our prayers Barb. So sorry to hear about this. I am so glad that you have had some great moments with the boys--I know you cherish that. Enjoy your night out with Dave.
nice blog
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