Fantastic news!

Well, the news you have been waiting for - the tests were negative for cancer. Based on the scans, bloodwork, and physical exam, I am considered to be in clinical remission. I still need to go through surgery and radiation, but the chemo worked. Microscopic cancer cells may still be present and that is why the course of treatment remains the same. They will test the tissue that they remove during surgery.

I feel like I can stop holding my breath! I am also very tired and am looking forward to sleeping better. My 2 favorite words these days - cure and remission.

Today is Dawson's 2nd birthday - what a day to celebrate!

Longwood Gardens

Dave had a lot of schoolwork to do today so I try to keep all of us out of his hair. The boys also needed to get out of the house since we have had 4 straight days of rain. At one point this morning, Dawson was amusing himself by pulling tape off of the dispenser. I noticed this while a Frisbee thrown by David whizzed by my head - needless to say, we needed a change of scenery. Longwood Gardens opened a new Indoor Children's Garden this weekend. We were prepared to hike through the pouring rain to get to it, but the sun popped out as soon as we pulled up to the Garden. A fun time was had by all and yes, that is Dawson attempting to climb into the fountain.

Time to wait

Well, I had 2 tests this week to see if the cancer is gone. I get to WAIT until Monday to find out the test results. Monday is also Dawson's 2nd birthday. We are hoping and praying that Monday is a day to celebrate many things.

Even shopping is different!

I went shopping with a friend a few days ago to get out of the house. (Meaning - I shuffled around Old Navy, stopped frequently, and Dave took care of the boys). I saw all kinds of cute Fall clothes. I was reminded that in about 1 month, I will not be able to pull shirts over my head, and will not be the same body anymore. I also had to consider what radiation will do to my skin and what I will look like with prosthetics. So, certain cuts of tops were out of the question. Just another reminder of this battle!

Team Barbara

Team Barbara walked this morning. Robin and I sat on the sidelines and cheered everyone on. I was overwhelmed in the car at the thought of so many people there to support me and the battle against breast cancer. I also ran into my high school volleyball coach and had a great talk with her. Unfortunately, half my household is not feeling well now. I am feeling okay, tired but happy to have been able to join the event. Thank you to all of you who support me by reading these blog updates.

Moments I don't want to forget.

The other night, I wasn't able to do much more than lay in bed but the boys joined me to read some books. Dawson kissed my head (with a mouth full of milk). Of course, I made a big deal about the milk kiss, so then David joined in too. They kept planting these wet kisses on my fuzzy head and we just had a good time. Milk kisses . . . moments I don't want to forget.

Just needed a pick-me-up

I continue to feel overwhelmed by all of the appointments coming up. I also spoke with Dawson's case manager from ChildWatch today to have a developmental evaluation done for Dawson. And, daytime television is flooded with emotional moments. Anyway, my mailman came much later today than usual and delivered some much needed pick-me-ups. My mail included some cards from friends with encouraging words and there was also a package from my oncologist's office. I'm thinking, "Great, more paperwork to fill out." It was an outstanding achievement certificate stating that I had completed my chemo treatments with flying colors and was signed by all of the chemo nurses. I have received diplomas and certificates before, but this one I had to work the hardest to receive. It brought tears of joy (but my boys still don't understand that concept).

Pierced by Audio Adrenaline

I was enjoying my iPod today during my treatment and some lyrics to a song by Audio Adrenaline really stuck with me. It was the encouragement I needed.

"Make me, take me, break me, I am pierced
Though I am wounded and unworthy
Though I am selfish and untrue
You are holy, You're the healer
You forgave me and made me new
Oh, this love, how can it be
That my God would die for me
For my sins, His wounds did bleed
Jesus, you were pierced for me"

It's over (hopefully)!

Well, I had my last chemo treatment. I had a list of questions for the doctor about what I can and can't do in the upcoming weeks. I have realized that I am now back to prodding and poking. I have lots of appointments scheduled with surgeons, plastic surgeons, and tests. Also, I am trying to squeeze in the everyday appointments too, like dentist appointments for the boys and for me, well visits for the boys, etc.

I felt more anxious today about my last chemo than any other treatment. You would think that I would be jumping for joy right? Just so much more on my mind. The oncologist is confident that the scans I have scheduled in a few weeks will show less cancer. I have also begun the process of preparing for surgery.

I felt like I was stepping into the ring this morning, ready to fight this beast, but that quickly turned into a whole lot of anxiety. When I walked David into school this morning, I spotted a friend and we began singing the "Rocky" theme music. That song was also played at our wedding reception when we were introduced. I have the song in my profile, if you would like to hear it.

One thing that helped today was that we talked to the oncologist about having a bilateral mastectomy, to remove the healthy breast as a preventive measure. He asked if we had made a decision and I told him I was leaning in that direction. I told him my reasons why and he told me that he could support that decision.

I now get to endure my chemo week, with some confidence that this is the last time I will have to go through this.

Only 1 more left!

This has been quite a week for me - emotionally and physically! Yesterday, I woke up not feeling well and I didn't feel able to keep up with my ball of energy, also known as a 2 year old named Dawson. My wonderful mother-in-law took him unexpectedly and I took 2 naps. Today, I am feeling much better.

Lots of things have happened this week - from my Internet going down (an inconvenience) to receiving bad news about 2 friends' cancer status, along with some other things in between. I am also hesitant to be too excited about my last chemo treatment on Monday. I have some tests scheduled at the end of this month to see what the cancer looks like after chemo. I have heard a lot lately about people who thought the cancer was responding and then test results come back saying otherwise. I had a chat with God last night about my doubts and how I want my faith to believe that this cancer is gone or at least on the path of going away. He has brought me this far and looking back on the last 4 months, there have been some difficult moments, but overall, it hasn't been too bad. I know He will give me strength, no matter what the results are.