Unbelievable news

Where to begin? . . . Last Wednesday, I experienced vision problems while on the computer. My peripheral vision started flashing and it eventually became my full range of sight. Dawson was sleeping and Dave was out with David at the time. I thought the best place to be (so I wouldn't harm myself or anyone else) was in bed. I checked on Dawson first and couldn't see him lying in my bed. I knew Dave and David would be home soon. Even when I closed my eyes, the flashing continued and then a massive headache followed. Migraine, right? Unfortunately not. I debated on whether to call my doctor and wanted to downplay this as a little headache (I was perfectly happy forgetting about the flashes) and realized that I don't have "M.D." after my name and I called his office late Thursday afternoon. I went in for a CT scan of my head on Friday.

We have just returned from a whirlwind of information from my oncologist and now know there are 4 tumors, 2 of which are near the occipital nerve which may explain the vision issues. I had another episode of flashing this morning while out on a walk with Dawson. We now have a week full of tests ahead of us to see if the cancer is somewhere else also. I started taking a steroid on Friday to reduce swelling in the brain and received a dose through IV today. The treatment plan for this is whole brain radiation. We meet with the radiation oncologist tomorrow and it appears that the radiation will begin in the next week or so. I also meet with my ophthalmologist tomorrow to look further into the vision problems to see if I am having optic seizures.

Now that I have all of the technical stuff off my fake chest, let's make it personal. I have been feeling fantastic! The best I have felt in the past 2 years!! How can this be? I drove to Williamsburg last weekend and had no problems. I sat in my boys' room for hours last night and just wept. We had to have an open conversation with my oncologist today about how this is going to affect my mental capacities. Whole brain radiation can cause "early aging" of the brain and I may qualify for a clinical trial to try and reduce the short term memory loss. I just keep thinking about my children and the fear of becoming someone they don't recognize. The oncologist showed us the scan and doesn't feel that any of the tumors are pressing on areas that could cause this. But this is my brain we are talking about !!!!!

I have thought about so many things - my 3rd hair loss, my brain getting cooked, my inability to drive until all of this gets under control, the side effects of the steriods - including weight gain (which really makes me angry because I just worked my tail off to look good again) the time and energy that is taken away from my family so I can go to treatments and recover from them and my head is spinning. We have asked God a lot of questions. But, I can see His grace in the handling of all of this - the timing of the vision loss, our trip to Disney, the return of my Ipod (I lost it late last summer and we just found it again and it was my sanity through radiation the last time).

I know this may seem like rambling but it is only a few of the thoughts raging through this cancer-infested brain of mind. I received Herceptin today and the male nurse was making a joke and said he didn't want my head to get too big - now that was bad timing! We will update as we know more info.

Please pray for no more cancer. Please pray for a complete and miraculous healing of the cancer that is present.