Before the cancer returned, I had visions of helping out in my both my sons' classrooms this fall. Instead, I now spend that time at the doctor. David came home the other day with an October schedule of the parent helpers for his classroom. I was not on the list and he asked, with great disappointment in his voice, "Why aren't you helping in my classroom?" I told him I was able to chaperone one field trip. Still, he wanted more. We talked about it and he understood why I wasn't able to help. I told him maybe next month and asked him where he thinks I would rather be. I just felt that pain in my heart because he wanted more of me and I couldn't give it to him. Now, I am sure he has gotten over it but I was still thinking about it today. While I was sitting in chemo, I was reading an article titled, "Top 5 Mom Myths." My favorite one was, "A good mom likes her children all the time." That one made me laugh at loud! But, the one I needed to read was, "A good mom spends a lot of time with her kids - and they like her because of it." I had some resistance from David when he first began school and I wanted to know every detail of his day the second he came home. Dave suggested giving David a little space, even though I didn't want to, and he would come around. Not long after I did this, he told me one Saturday that he wanted to spend some time with just me. The article says, "There are no studies that show punching a time clock with your children will guarantee their adoration. It's the nature of the interaction that counts. If you listen to your children, laugh and relax with them, make them feel loved, it teaches them that relationships are a source of joy. They'll like you because of that - not because you helped man the punch bowl at the school dance."
The time I spend with my kids now is different than before my original diagnosis. I do a lot less multi-tasking and just sit down and enjoy more. But, it never gets easier to say no to them when they want me and I can't be there because of something related to this disease. It makes me laugh when the boys say the reason why I can't do stuff - they call it "cancerd."
"Cancerd" has made me a different mom. One who doesn't look at asking for help as a weak thing but sees help as something to enable me to enjoy my good times better.
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4 comments:
What a great, thoughtful post, Barb! Boy, I needed those Mom lessons, too, today. I can't help in the classroom either because I am running my own classroom. It hurts when I get those sign-up sheets in the bookbag and I can't volunteer. And I am on the same page as you with the asking about details from school. Mine already makes that, "Not again!" sigh, but I am so interested to hear everything. I have also learned that he does open up if after the first few questions.
That "cancerd" comment made me teary. I have seen you outside with your boys and you are such a loving mom. That's what really matters!
Barb,
What a wise woman you are! We continue to pray for you and your guys all the time!! xo
Barb,
So many times I just don't know what to say or how to be an encouragement to you through all of this and I keep praying for God to help me in it. And once again, He goes and vice-veras my prayer! You are a tremendous encouragement to me (and many others) through this trial. Thank you for sharing this post ~ it blessed and inspired me. May you be encouraged that you're touching so many lives!
I second Christie's comments.
This post was a good reminder to all of us as moms.
Bridget Lamancusa
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