The port insertion went well and I was the only one in the recovery area of the Surgicenter not throwing up. My right arm is very heavy today and every time I move it, I pull the stitches. The port is near my collar bone on the right side. I am going to take it easy today and the boys are at my in-laws having a grand ole time.
I was nervous going into this. I know it is a standard procedure, blah, blah, blah. That doesn't mean I can't be nervous though, right? I also had to leave the boys yesterday which I haven't had to do for awhile because I was feeling so good. It gets harder and harder to leave them every time. They are okay, but I'm not. You know, I would leave them at their childcares before all this when I went to work, but this is different. Every time I leave them now, it is because of cancer or something related to it.
I prayed for God's peace and presence yesterday morning because I just wasn't feeling it. I busied myself in the morning so I wouldn't think about the procedure (and how hungry I was - fasting is not my gift). I shared this prayer with Dave on our way to the Surgicenter. 2 things happened while I was there. My OB/GYN's nurse came in to deliver some charts. I have become very friendly with her and she is a breast cancer survivor of 5 years. She was leaving for vacation to the Outer Banks and it just sounded awesome. A friend offered for us to come to their beachhouse in North Carolina in a few weeks but we weren't sure about going. Talking with Peggy and the idea of a relaxing vacation just sounded awesome. We have decided to go. Also, my Prep nurse asked me about my job. I shared with her that I was a church secretary and she began sharing with me about her church. She was a Christian and I was able to speak openly about my fears and she encouraged me. Talk about God's presence!
I received an e-mail from Rose Marie Miller yesterday. She is the author of a book, "From Fear to Freedom." I just led a Bible Study on that book and think I highlighted 90% of it. I couldn't believe she was talking to me! She shared with me some verses in Psalms that she read while going through her cancer and her husband's illness. These are some parts that stood out to me, O LORD, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in darkness . . . So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life; in Your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In Your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am Your servant.
The other thing that kept coming to my mind yesterday while I was waiting for this procedure is a VBS song David has been singing for weeks, "God is good, all the time" The exact words are not coming to my mind today, but yesterday they were in there. It says something to the effect that though I walk through the valley, I will not fear for He will keep me safe and strong. What a blessing my family has been to me.
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7 comments:
Barb
Praise the Lord the procedure is over and all went well. The whole experience as you recorded it is a testimony to God's greatness amd His love for His children. It is also reasurrance of His promise that He will be with us in all sit uations,the unseen holding our hand and soothing our brow.I just pray He will continue to be close to you and provide all the strength and courage you need. The R&R plans sound great. Go for it!!!
Shirley
Barb,
It really makes you wonder how women who go through this and don't have a relationship with God get through these things. I know I am thankful that you and Dave have God to turn to and you know it. And you've done it. This really just gives us an idea of how God sustains us with his grace. Cause we all deserve much worse. Thank you Lord for giving us what we don't deserve (grace) and not giving us what we do deserve (mercy). Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Hi Barbara-
Thank you so much for your updates to this blog. I am glad that they were able to put a port in- hopefully that will cut down on the pain of being stuck so much. I am praying for you especially this week as you are undergoing round two of treatments. It is such a testimony to hear how God is providing for you and your family throughout this process!
Rachel McSwain
Barb,
Glad to hear that the procedure went well. I hope that this will help you feel less "poked and prodded" as you continue with your treatments. My cousin's husband, Jon had it done, and said it was very helpful. I ran across a newer worship song that I love, and it is truly a prayer to God, that I'd love to share with you. I hope you can hear it sometime in the near future- because it is beautiful. It's called Rescue by Jared Anderson
You are the source
Of life
I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You
I need You, Jesus,
To Come to my rescue
Tell me where else
Can I go?
There's no other name by
Which I am saved
Capture me
With grace
I will follow You
My heart is Yours
For life
I need your hand
In mine
No one else will do
I give put my trust
In You
This world has nothing for me
I will follow you
Love you, friend! Catch a big hug from me.
Robyn
Hey Barbara,
This is Laura, from high school. I didn't realize I could post responses to you until today, but I want you to know that I am thinking and praying for you and your family every single day, sometimes a couple times a day!
Hang in there -- and thank God for kids, they seem to have such a simple way of letting you know how special you are.
With love and many prayers,
Laura
Hi Barb,
I pray for you everyday. You are at the top of my prayer journal list!! You are a strong woman and that only comes from God. All your entries are wonderful to read, what a witness you are, and it is amazing how you are touching so many lives through this blog to believer or non. The R&R will be great and God is faithful and will give you the rest and strength you need to fight this. With continued prayers,Jen Rowles
What a blessing, Delaware really is a small world. Enjoy the R&R, just make sure you keep your hat on.
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