This is a tough one to write. We found out today that the cancer has metastasized to my lungs. There are a few spots on each lung, in addition to lymph nodes in the surrounding areas. Fortunately, it was caught early and I have had very little physical symptoms, just an occasional cough.
We are taking the boys out of town this weekend and then I will begin chemo next Thursday. The drug I will receive shouldn't hit me as hard as the last round did. I will receive it 1x/week for 3 weeks and then get the 4th week off. After about 3-4 months, the doctor will run more scans to see how the cancer is responding and then determine how much more to give me.
We are trying to wrap our brains around this. I have Stage 4 cancer and I can't get past that label yet. The doctor has approved me to continue training for my 3-day walk. I asked him if he thinks I can walk 60 miles and he told me to simply do the best I can. I really feel a burden for this cause and hope to be able to cross that finish line, having walked the whole thing. But, I need to just get through this first cycle of chemo first.
This has broken our hearts and we are squeezing our boys a lot tighter and longer these days.
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11 comments:
I'll never forget the day that my family received similar news. It was one of the worst days of all. I know that there's nothing I could say that could help, but just know that God's promises are real, even when it doesn't feel like it. We love you, and we will be praying for you.
Dave & Barb,
We are heartsick to hear this news. Our Father isn't surprised by these test results though. I always find that encouraging when I get my socks knocked off by something - I remember that He never gets His socks knocked off. He still has you right in the palm of His hand. We aren't called to understand God's plans for us, we're just called to trust Him come what may. You guys have been in our prayers and will continue to be. And in response to an earlier blog, I think your boys would definitely vote you "mom of the year" whether you feel like it or not!! xoxo Keep us updated and we'll work to pray you through each step. Love you all.
Oh, Barb...I am so very sorry and affected by this news. Please, please, please let me know if there is anything we can do to help you or your family. You are so determined to do the walk and that in itself is so inspiring!
Dear Barb. I don't have words right now... but I just wanted to write and let you know I have read the news and am praying for you. I am encouraged by Dorel's reminder that our God is not surprised by this news and that He promises to hold you and the boys tightly through this as well. Will pray that you feel His tight and loving hold even now.
Jill
We love you guys and are here in any way that you need us. Although we're not around the corner, don't hesitate to call us for help. We will be in a heartbeat. You are in our prayers and, in using a term that our pastor always uses, we are here to huppo-tasso you, to come under and support and encourage you. Let those around you be your mat carriers to Jesus when you feel weak. (That was Keira's story today at VBS, and it is so fitting!) Love, The Lamancusas
Oh Barb! I don't know what to say either, and am so saddened by this news. We are praying and will continue to do so. We love your family so much and if there's anything you need, don't hesitate to call. Catch a big hug from all of us.
Hi Barbara-
I am so sorry to hear about the results from the latest round of tests. I am glad that the doctor has a plan and that he encouraged you to keep walking. I will continue praying for you and your family.
Rachel
Ihave no idea what to say except that right now all that matters is your health, and it is okay to be selfish now and think of yourself. Yes you are a wife and mom, but you have to give everything you have to your treatment. Stay strong and be comforted that God will be with you holding your hand through every step. I continue to hold you in my prayers and will contiune to to do so.
You don't know me. I received an email from a friend requesting prayers for your family. I said a prayer and the Holy Spirit told me to remind you that God loves you. No matter what it may seem like, no matter what the situation feels like, no matter what people are telling you....God is in control. God is omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent. He is everywhere, He knows the beginning from the end and there is nothing more powerful. Your time here isn't finished until HE decides not the doctors. Whenever that time may be, I can assure you that it will be right on time with his plan for you. Keep your eyes on HIM and you will be blessed. There is no situation too big for God. He created us and he can fix us.
I appreciate the prayers from strangers but what is difficult for me is to hear all of the Sunday School terms we have heard all of our lives and know how to apply that to a life and death situation. It is also hard for me when fellow Christians who have not faced a similar circumstance say that it is as simple keeping my eyes focused on God. This continues to be a spiritual struggle for me when I face the fact that my husband and children may have a day with no wife and mother. I don't call that a "fix" or "blessing." Some of the most heartfelt and encouraging words from my friends and family are when they simply don't know what to say and just love me and cry with me.
we don't know each other, but I also received an email to pray for you and your family. I have not been faced with what you are experiencing, but through my own circumstances, I have questioned my faith. I know we aren't supposed to be angry with God, but sometimes things are overwhelming, and it feels like there is no where to turn. Those times, I drop to my knees and pray for God to look into my heart because I can't even think. I just wanted you to know that you and your family are in my prayers.
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